is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
