A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
