i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
