At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
