I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
