to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
