Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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