Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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