I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
