Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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