I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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