I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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