I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
