In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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