He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
