I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
