tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We're too hungover to prance.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
