If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
