I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
