My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Sober January is a disaster.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
