Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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