I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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