last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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