I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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