So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
