not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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