Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
