Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
