I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
