nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
