We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
