you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
