i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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