i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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