And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
