Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I got her a Nickelback box set.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
