She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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