I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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