He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
