speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
