OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
