so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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