Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
