saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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