Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
