Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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