I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
