u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
