The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
