I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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