Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
