I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
