Pappa wants mamma naked
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
