Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
