I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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