he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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