You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
