I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
