me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
