Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You took a bar mat shot.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
