So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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