"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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