if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
